My 12 step guide to surplus weight gain 😜

If you're struggling to maintain your ideal healthy weight you will probably relate!


For weight gain I follow a simple, yet highly effective, yo-yo method πŸͺ€πŸ˜‰

Step One
Allow myself to get stressed, silly busy, pissed-off with life, and/or go on holiday.

Step Two
Relegate my diet and health from a priority position.

Step Three
Use Step One as a convenient excuse to eat and drink whatever the hell I want because I feel it will make things better/easier.

Step Four 
Marvel at how much extra tucker I can chow back without the scales really noticing! Confidently continue with Step Three.

Step Five
Ignore the fact that my current diet isn’t actually helping me to feel less stressed, more productive or happy. And, that it’s possibly making me feel worse…

Step Six
Focus instead on the fact that I’m one of the lucky few who can eat anything they like and still retain their ‘girlish figure’! Hoorah πŸ™Œ

Step Seven
Discover that my scales have now weighed the evidence against me and that they’re now indicating I’ve put on 2–3 kgs!

What the actual fu<k?

(Pick up scales. Put down scales. Re-weigh self. Move scales to somewhere ‘more level’ in the bathroom. Re-weigh self. Change the batteries. Re-weigh self. Contemplate buying new scales.)

Step Eight
Start worrying about how the extra weight ‘suddenly’ got on and where my high metabolism went to? Forget everything I know about Naturopathy.πŸ€¦β€β™€οΈ

Step Nine
Continue with Step Three while I’m processing what’s just occurred.

Step Ten
Realise that I’m now not only stressed, silly busy, or pissed-off with life (or on holiday still) but that I’m now also overweight and addicted to certain foods and drinks πŸ€¦β€β™€οΈ

Step Eleven 
Continue with Step Three as obviously I now need to self-soothe with comfort-eating as all of this has become rather overwhelming and even more emotional (disbelief, disappointment, frustration, guilt).

Step Twelve  
Gain another 1–2kg and concede that I don’t actually possess a magical metabolism, that I feel quite shit, and that some protein and salad would actually make me feel much better about everything.

Reinstate diet and health to the top of my priority list and take immediate action to right my wrongs in order to become a lesser person.

At least until I get stressed, busy, pissed-off with life, and/or go on holiday β€” again…πŸͺ€πŸ˜‰

Note: If you’re a healthy weight to begin with, I’ll explain how you can initially eat ‘extra tucker’ and not have your scales register this in an upcoming Well Sh!t snippet! x

What to read more? For articles from me on weight management:

Are you at a loss to explain your failed weight loss?

Curb hedonic eating

Lisa Fitzgibbon, Naturopath, discusses how to lower body weight set point in her blog: LISA SAID SO

Make an appointment with Lisa

Lisa Fitzgibbon is a degree qualified (2006), experienced and registered Naturopath & Medical Herbalist. She runs her own private practice – OOMPHΒ in Grey Lynn, Auckland, New Zealand.

Lisa has been involved in the Natural Health industry for 16 years. She draws on her professional training and experience, as well as her own personal experience to bring you realistic, holistic health advice.

Book online